Saturday, December 10, 2011

I Went To Church Today

I went to church today.
Half genuinely wanting to go
Half wanting to see if I could remember why I stopped
I wore my “I don’t give a fuck” clothes
My usual attire: sweats, some steezy kicks, a wife beater
A hoodie to be polite
They always used to say come as you are
But when I got there it was all eyes on me….shocked
Judgment day because I didn’t wear my expensive costume to their show
That’s when I knew I needed my secret weapon
My favorite in situations like theses
Good morning ladies and gentlemen!
This is Jona’s consciousness aka bad thoughts she can’t say out loud
And I will be your host.
Fake smile from Mrs. Snooty…
Smile and keep walking
Snide joke made by someone who thinks they know me…
Give a fake smile.
Enter sanctuary
Hurry past the usher to chose my own seat
Sit down
Get comfortable
Don’t look at her…DON’T LOOK AT HER
Big black man entering from peripheral view…ignore him
“Young Lady”
“You can’t sit back here, emergency fire row”
Do you really think a church full of black Christians who “Don’t feel right with God yet” are going to calmly follow directions in a fire?
“Okay sir”
Move to the row directly in front of it.
Get comfy.
Pastor…wait Bishop (they say titles mean nothing…but slip up and say pastor)
Bishop says come forward for prayer.
I watch them rush towards the front as if that prayer was their only way to salvation.
Brain washed or anointed? 
The choir has been singing hymns so long I literally forgot to listen.
“Look to your neighbors and say Jesus loves you!
Look to my left…little boy…seem sweet in a grown up tone “Jesus loves you!”
Look to my right…obviously a stripper….”Jesus loves you?”
One thousand ones and I better see her count one hundred ones to give God ten percent.
When did the church decide it was best to guilt trip people into funding the Bishops lifestyle?
His Benz, truck, motorcycle…expensive Sunday suits.
Rumor is and always will be that he cheated: Was that the sermon on forgiveness?
Obvious stripper is stomping and shouting “AMEN”…he’s only explaining offering.
I guess I really fit in here…
Then the pastor says some deep shit and I’m stuck.
Mesmerized by how God reveals my problems to me.
Maybe I’m overly cynical, tainted or caught a rebellious spirit.
But I’m only like this when I’m here.
Is this Satan or common sense?
Can’t I learn God’s word without this?
Following a religion blindly because your parents made it habit?
When God asks you why you believe what will you say? Your mom?
The deaconess behind me was talking to her friend about how dealing with church people is a pain in her ass.
Her friend later touched my shoulder and apologized for her friends unholy language…
I looked at her and said, “We’re just people.”
I went to church today.

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